Transparency

Then Joseph looked at his brother Benjamin, the son of his own mother. “Is this your youngest brother, the one you told me about?” Joseph asked. “May God be gracious to you, my son.” Then Joseph hurried from the room because he was overcome with emotion for his brother. He went into his private room, where he broke down and wept. After washing his face, he came back out, keeping himself under control. Then he ordered, “Bring out the food!”

Genesis 43:29-31 NLT

Whether or not you’re familiar with this story, the scenario should create an almost déjà vu moment. Someone, overcome by sadness, overwhelmed by emotion, flees the scene to cry, to weep, to sob in seclusion. Afraid to allow others to see a stirring of emotion, we isolate, we run away and hide due to this fear that someone might improperly perceive us as weak. Isn’t that the opposite of what we intend?

We run away, we hide; we push others away believing it will show how strong we are? This doesn’t make sense. Instead of fostering an open and honest relationship, we close doors. We allow ourselves to be governed by fear, not strength. We choose to hide, not face the situation. We put on a mask, not allow others in.

Granted, Joseph had a plan. He was performing. He didn’t want his brothers to know who he was. Because of this, he left in order to regroup so he could resume his performance, so he could go back to pretending.

Pretending.

Performing.

This seems to be the norm. We feel the need to throw on a smile, wave, shake hands, give a little side hug, and act like everything is OK. We lie to our friends. We lie to our spouses. We lie to our children. We even lie to God—praying as if we’ve got it under control.

Until you tear down the walls of denial, until you open up and allow others to see you for who you are, you’ll never experience freedom. Freedom comes the moment you lose your last secret. That’s right; you’ve got to lose in order to gain.

If you’ve got a secret that you’ve been holding on to, one that will go with you to the grave, then you might as well sit down because you’re not going anywhere. Secrets make you sick. Secrets leave you stuck.

Joseph eventually revealed his true identity to his brothers. Pains from past hurts were superseded by the joy of restored relationships. Joseph lost his façade and gained the family he believed was long gone. He had to lose something in order to gain.

Stop running away.

Stop washing your face.

Stop trying to keep things under control.

Find someone you can trust and pour out your heart. Let it go. Let it out. Open up some space in your heart and allow healing to move in.