The 4 Second Lie

What is it about our FEELINGS or even our CIRCUMSTANCES we do not want to or believe we can share with others? What’s with this sense of having to keep private? Why do you, do I, do so many of us feel the need to wear a mask?

Yesterday I asked the question:

When someone asks, "How are you?" Do you give them the 7-10 minute HONEST answer or the 4 second LIE?

This question sparked an interesting conversation. I enjoyed reading through the various perspectives and views and thoughts. I ALWAYS enjoy conversations like this because I’m exposed to NEW thoughts, which usually lead to NEW thoughts and ideas bouncing around in my head. And it’s because of this conversation I decided to take a few moments and share my perspective on the matter…

Hello, my name is Nick and I’m a grateful believer in Jesus who struggles with pride and anger. I’ve been a participant and volunteer and leader in Celebrate Recovery (CR) for the past 3 years. In the church world I’d still be considered a NEW believer, so I guess in the recovery world I’m a NEW recoverer (pretty sure I made that word up). So, in many cases, it’s all still new to me…and I LOVE it!

One of the things I enjoy most about CR or simply recovery in general, is the shift from HIDING to VULNERABILITY. This is probably one of the most freeing transitions anyone can make in life. All it takes is that first time of opening up, that first time of sharing something intimate, something you thought you’d take with you to the grave, and BAM! you can’t back…well, you CAN, but you DON’T WANT TO. Probably the single greatest contributor to the joy in my life (outside of Jesus) is being honest and having 0 secrets. I will straight up share the dirtiness of my past with you while waiting in line at Food Lion. Seriously, I will.

It’s this sense of freedom, this idea of honesty, that moment when you realize, “I’m only as sick as my secrets” that lead me to make the statement above. Will you be HONEST or will you tell a LIE? Here’s the example:

Q: How are you?
A: I’m great!

The LIE. Well, you MIGHT be doing great, but chances are there’s so much more happening in your life than you even remotely want to share. For most, here’s an answer that better reflects what’s going on:

Q: How are you?
A: My life is in shambles. My marriage is falling apart. My husband is cheating on me. My wife spends more time in her porn novels than speaking to me. My kids are killing themselves with drugs. I’m about to lose my job. We’re so far in debt we can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I’m struggling to believe God is who He says He is. I want to fall on the ground and cry uncontrollably. I have cancer. I can’t stop eating even though I’m overweight and know it’s killing me.

That used to me. I did this very thing. I would show up at church hungover from the night before with a smile on my face, waving and shaking hands, and leading everyone to believe that my life was just GREAT! Lying sucks. Hiding sucks. It merely enabled my life to continue down the path it was on because nobody knew what was going on. You don’t have to stay here. You don’t have to live this way.

If your life sucks right now, don’t say everything is great.
If you’re dying inside, don’t say you’re fine.
If you feel hopeless, don’t say you’re good.

Open up. Get honest. Tell someone what’s up. Confess it and start the healing process (James 5:16).

And, in the mean time, if you don’t REALLY want to know what’s up with my life, just say, “Hi, Nick!” or you just might get more than you bargained for.