Love isn’t easy.
That’s an understatement. I almost feel like there’s a hint of sarcasm in writing that. It’s true, but it’s true with a little bit of DUH in the mix. Love isn’t easy. If it was we wouldn’t spend our entire lives looking for it, searching for it, thinking we found it only to realize it was something entirely different. It’s elusive. It’s confusing. It’s stupid (if you’re bitter). Love isn’t easy.
I believe love isn’t easy because we don’t know what love is. We have an idea of what we think love should be and could be, but for the most part we have no freaking clue what love is. Our view of love is shaped by past experiences. Love is what we see at home. Love is what we feel in the presence of those we care about the most. And each and every one of us has a different past, a different upbringing, an entirely different experience altogether, so the culmination of past experiences shape this often misinterpreted, misguided view of love.
Love is angry.
Love is demeaning.
Love is your mom screaming.
Love is your dad fighting.
Love is a physically abusive parent.
Love is a sexually abusive relative.
Love is an affair.
Love is divorce.
Love is a new relationship (or a few new relationships).
Don’t get me wrong, not all of us experience these things, but enough of us do. And it’s these past experiences that shape and mold our ideas and expectations of LOVE. Love is… what you saw, what you heard, and what you felt. For some of us it was a GOOD experience. For others it’s easier to just not talk about it (which is why it CONTINUES hurting you all these years later).
This is why I say, “Love isn’t easy.” We EXPERIENCE one thing and then we’re TOLD another. It’s confusing. It’s unhealthy. Movies make it look so easy, but reality just seems to slap you in the face. And it hurts. And you just want to give up on it. Which is why it was easier to NOT commit to a relationship, but instead hop around from relationship to relationship to relationship seeking temporary satisfaction and fulfillment that always left you feeling EMPTY inside.
Love isn’t easy.
Read this. I pulled a couple statements from the Bible written by a guy named Paul. In these statements he gives us an idea of what love IS by stating what it’s NOT. Disclaimer: I only used half of verse 4.
4It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6 NIV
I don’t know about you, but when I read that I see all the things I thought love WAS. I READ Paul saying love is NOT, but my past experience says that’s exactly what love IS! I want to call Paul an idiot, a liar, and naïve. I want to fight and argue and ask Paul, “What are you talking about?” You see, my PAST EXPERIENCES have shaped my PRESENT VIEWS of love. I have my own INTERPRETATION based on what I’ve SEEN and HEARD and FELT, but sometimes that stuff is MISLEADING.
This is why I believe so many of us struggle with the idea of a God who rules and reigns in heaven (yes, a place you and I can’t see or even find even though we’ve traveled pretty far out in space), a God who created us and loves us and wants the best for us. If there REALLY is a God, some all-powerful creator who loves me, why would He let all that crap happen to me? Why didn’t He stop that stuff from happening? Why didn’t He stop the fighting? Why didn’t He stop the abuse? Didn’t He hear me crying? Didn’t He hear me begging and pleading for help?
Love isn’t easy.
Love is overcoming the pain from your past through a meaningful encounter with the God who loves you more than you can possibly imagine or fathom. That’s not easy, that’s hard. I need a shift in my perspective. I need to refocus my eyes. I have to look THROUGH my past experience WITH love TO the God who IS love. God IS love. Love isn’t easy because our past experiences with what we perceive to be love distorts our view of the God who IS love.
Reread what Paul wrote. Read and meditate on all the things love is NOT. Evaluate your past and current relationships based on Paul’s words. Have you REALLY experienced love? Have you been looking for love in all the WRONG places? Is your view of love WAY OFF? Have your past experiences led you to push God away?
Love isn’t easy when you’re looking for it everywhere BUT the God who IS love!
Reflect:
- Take some time over the next few days to evaluate past and present relationships. How have they affected your view of love?
- How have your past experiences affected your view of God?
- A meaningful encounter with God is the only way to find freedom from the pain of your past, but the pain of your past can and will hinder your meaningful encounter with God. Are you prepared to work through it?
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