A Conversation With My Son

Yesterday I asked my oldest, “Jonah, do you know what a role model is?”

He replied, “Yes, it’s a person who shows others how to live right or wrong.”

I accepted his answer and followed up with this question, “Would you say your dad is a good role model?”

Fully expecting him to say something along the lines of, “Yes, dad you’re the best!” he instead answered, “Yes and no.”

Up to that point I kinda liked him. He had my attention. He grabbed my interested and curiosity so I asked, “Can you explain?”

Here’s his response, “Well, sometimes you tickle me, which is fun, but it makes me think I can touch other people.”

As a parent it can be really easy to brush his answer off, to ignore what he said, and not look any deeper, but that’s not me. It really got me thinking. He had a point. How was he supposed to learn appropriate boundaries and personal space if not from his parents? I apologized. I asked him for a hug. He forgave me. I then wanted to tickle him, but restrained myself.

How many other times have I mislead and misguided my kids? How many times have I yelled? How many times have I threatened them with losing something? How many times have I touched them in anger or frustration? These are all teachable moments. My kids are watching me, taking it in, processing it, and forming ideas of how they should interact with and respond to others.

More than that, as a father, as a parent, the things I do and say have a significance influence in how my kids view God. I’m an “if, then” parent. If you don’t do this or if you do that then… It’s crap. It really is. It’s a HORRIBLE way to parent. And that “if, then” style of parenting only teaches my kids that my love is CONDITIONAL. Which in turn could make it difficult to grasp the possibility of God’s love being UNCONDITIONAL.

What you do matters.

What you say matters.

How you live your life matters.

What are YOU teaching this younger generation?